I have heard horror stories about parents calling to complain to professors, deans, dorm supervisors and greek houses. They interfere when they have only heard one side of the story. It's a nightmare for these leaders. How can you work with students when their parents are constantly interfering??
I say this as a parent who is guilty. I pick up shoes, cook food for people watching tv and deliver forgotten lunches when I can. I do laundry for people who are busy and tired. I soothe people with a tummy ache and actively help with homework when it's merited, in my opinion. I give a cold kid my sweater because I love the chilly little monster. But I AM NOT TURNING MY KIDS INTO HELPLESS & ENTITLED JERKS.
And that common sense and practical approach isn't the expected norm any more. When I was a kid, we watched tv and ate junk food and ran around outside all day. But when I got locked out of the house, I just had to wait for my parents to get home-- and it sucked. When I had a bad grade my parents expected ME to deal with it. They didn't rale against the "system" or insist that the world be modified to my needs. I failed or I rose up and dealt with it. I learned. I was clueless for a while and then I wasn't. After I learned to quit driving like a maniac and to pay attention in class, I learned to live on my own and relished the independence. Enrolling myself in college was an adventure in planning for my future. I did it on my own.... and it was AWESOME.
As a college professor who adores my students, I feel for some of them. Many have been catered to and coddled. The lessons in my courses are (of course) driven by the course objectives, but I throw in tidbits gleaned from life, other professors and my knowledge as a devoted student and parent. These coddled darlings need to know mantras like, "DON'T BE LAZY," "You're not in charge," & "You have to adjust your behavior to the situation, not the opposite."
I won't talk to parents. As an official student who is an adult, your mommy and daddy shouldn't be in charge of your education. I am aghast at how often I find work that obviously hasn't been done by the student. It's more common than you'd think. Alarming.
So, what can we do?
1. Think life skills.
Teach your kid to clean a toilet, a sink and a floor.
Teach your kid to wash clothes and make them do it.
Teach your kid to manage a checking account. My 2nd grader has one. It's a skill that's crucial. Credit is dangerous and a credit card feels too much like free stuff. Help them learn that once the money in there is gone, they don't have any more.
Teach your child to cook simple meals, to follow a recipe and how not to burn the house down. (A personal tip: Teach them that paper plates with foil accents will catch on fire in the microwave.)
Teach your child to mow and trim.
Teach your child how to change the oil in their car. (We are working on this. Somehow the oldest girl doesn't want to get dirty. At leasat she will move out knowing how to check the oil, mind the maintenance lights in her car and go get it done professionally.)
Teach your kid organization. Model how to make appointments and keep them.
Teach your child how to plan for the future without taking over with your opinions or preferences being the driving factor in the conversation. Offers option and then listen to what they say. Really listen.
I come up with a new life skill almost daily for one of my 5 kids. More to come!
2. Think manners.
Teach your child to communicate with their own teachers as soon as they are old enough to handle it. A high schooler should e-mail their own teachers for missed work unless they physically can't.
Teach your kid to say "please," "thank you" and "I'm sorry." Easy when they're little, but they seem to forget as they become adolescents. Model it.
Teach your child to greet others. This is hard for shy ones. Remind them that it matters.
Teach your child to think of all adults they meet as a future job reference. Changes their whole way of thinking about how they behave.
Teach your child to lose with grace and poise, or as much as they can muster.
Teach your child to be grateful.
My kids do dumb stuff. Our family is loud and messy and sometimes argues. I have been know to be grouchy in the morning. We are NOT perfect. But the undertone in our home of 4 teenagers and one school age kiddo is that of teaching. We instruct them on how to make things, do things and learn. Hoping it works and I always know when to step back and let them do it-even if they screw up, are slow or it's now how I would do it. Because that's a worthwhile lesson for them. I have already learned it. It's their turn.
